He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
