i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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