Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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