Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
