Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
