All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
