did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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