Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
