I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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