Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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