omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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