Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
