my phone needs a breathalizer
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
