You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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