you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
