Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
