Quick, to the slutcave!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
