He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
