Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
