I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
