he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My feet surprised me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
