Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
