can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
