You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
