forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
