I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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