Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
