i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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