if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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