hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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