i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
