My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
