I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
