Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I forget how to act sober
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
