Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
