O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
