My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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