but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
