oh god the rape fog is back!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
