thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
