i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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