Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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