ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
