Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
In America we eat man semen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
