Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
