how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
