Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
