It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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