I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
