lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
