hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
