when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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