She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
