Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In America we eat man semen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
