Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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