Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
