i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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