mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
