I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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