Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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