I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
