I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
