I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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