I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
