there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
did i just pee glitter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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