I puked a lego.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
