No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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