I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
