The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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