last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
