I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
