I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
