I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
