He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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