My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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