i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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