I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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