Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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