after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
