Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
