OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
