its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
